What Are Allies?

• Identify as a supportive person for a often invisible community


• Opportunity to learn, teach, and impact campus climate


• Help individuals gain self-esteem and pride in their identity


• Make a difference

• Awareness: Explore how you are different from and similar to gay, lesbian and bisexual people. Gain this awareness through talking with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, by attending workshops, and through self-examination.
  
  
• Knowledge/Education: Begin to understand policies, laws and practices and how they affect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Educate yourself on the many communities and cultures of gay, lesbian and bisexual people.
  
  
• Skills: This is an area that is difficult for many people. You must learn to take your awareness and knowledge and communicate it to others. You can acquire these skills by attending workshops, role-playing with friends or peers, and developing support connections.
  
  
• Action: This is the most important and frightening step. Despite the fear, action is the only way to cause change in society as a whole.
  
  
  

• Have a good understanding of sexual orientation and be comfortable with your own.
  
  
• Be aware of the coming-out process and realize that it is not a one-time event. The coming-out process is unique to gay, lesbian and bisexual, and transgender people and brings challenges that are not often understood.
  
  
• Understand that gay, lesbian and bisexual people receive the same message about homosexuality and bisexuality as everyone else. Thus gay, lesbian and bisexual, and transgender people suffer from internalized homophobia and heterosexism. It is important to recognize the risks of coming out and to challenge the internal oppression.
  
  
• Remember that gay, lesbian and bisexual people are a diverse group. Each community within the larger gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community has unique needs and goals.
  
  
• Know at least basic information about AIDS/HIV in order to address myths and misinformation and to be supportive of those affected by this disease whether in themselves or in partners and friends. While AIDS/HIV is a health issue for all, those who live with the most fear and have lost the most members of their community are gay, lesbian and bisexual, and transgender persons.
  
  
  

• Uses gender neutral terms, such as partner or significant other, instead of gender specific terms like boyfriend or girlfriend
  
  
• Doesn’t preface a statement on LGBT issues with “I’m straight, but…”
  
  
• Doesn’t expect an LGBT person to speak for the entire LGBT community
  
  
• Doesn’t assume
  
  
• Treats partners of LGBT friends the same as they would a straight friend’s partner
  
  
• Doesn’t think of people as “my gay student” or “my lesbian friend”
  
  
• Objects to homophobic jokes in all situations
  
  
• Doesn’t tolerate homophobic comments
  
  
• Understands the basics of LGBT issues but is not afraid to ask questions
  
  
• Avoids stereotypes and makes clear that stereotypes don’t represent the entire LGBT community

What Allies Can Do To Help

• Read about LGBT Issues. The Outpost and Between the Lines are free publications you get at many bookstores.
  
  
• Attend LGBT events. The Office of LGBT Affairs can give you more information.
  
  
• Attend or rent films featuring LGBT characters or issues.
  
  
• Talk to LGBT people.
  
  

• Notice your heterosexist language and change it. For example, use “partner” or “significant other” instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. Use neutral pronouns.
  
  
• Don't assume everyone is heterosexual.
  
  
• Don't ridicule people for non-traditional gender behaviors.
  
  

• Challenge homophobia and heterosexist jokes and comments from others.
  
  
• Don't wait for an LGBT person to confront heterosexism, do it yourself.
  
  
• Wear a rainbow ribbon or a “Straight not Narrow” pin and tell people why.
  
  

• Write letters to your local and national politicians supporting the inclusion of LGBT people in anti-discrimination ordinances and hate crimes laws.
  
  
• Join an LGBT group. Many groups, both on and off campus welcome allies.
  
  
• Vote for pro-LGBT candidates and laws. Encourage others to do the same.
  
  
• Support non-discrimination policies and same sex-domestic partner benefits.
  
  
  

Coming Out

• Losing a relationship
  
• Feeling rejected
  
• Being misunderstood
  
• Family support
  
• Financial support, & many others
  

• You are just going through a phase
  
• It’s because you haven’t had a relationship with someone of the opposite sex
  
• You can’t be, you had relationships with people of the opposite sex
  
• You can’t be a Lesbian, you are too pretty or feminine
  
• You are just confused
  

• The person has not changed
  
• Every person’s experience is different, try not to assume the person’s experience with their sexuality or gender identity
  
• The person trust you, to reveal deeply personal information
  
• Clarify the level of confidentiality
  
• Be honest about your level of understanding, ask questions
  

• Do you need any resources?
  
• How can be supportive?
  
• Have you told many other people?
  
• Has the process been a struggle for you?
  
• How are you doing?
  
• Where are you in your own awareness of your identity?
  

Resources/Links